Somali Sea Pirates Follow Wall Street’s Lead and Set Up a Pirate Investment Fund
December 2, 2009 by Ed A. Tor
Filed under Featured, Finance, International News
In my wildest dreams I could not have dreamed up this story. Reuters is reporting that Somali Pirates have set up investment funds where you can invest in their swashbuckling endeavors. This is no BS. This is not one of those bogus ‘The Onion’ news stories. I swear it is true.
“Four months ago, during the monsoon rains, we decided to set up this stock exchange. We started with 15 ‘maritime companies’ and now we are hosting 72. Ten of them have so far been successful at hijacking,” Mohammed said.
“The shares are open to all and everybody can take part, whether personally at sea or on land by providing cash, weapons or useful materials … we’ve made piracy a community activity.”
I wonder if Wall Street will start selling futures contracts on Piracy? This may be the new ‘in’ thing. The next hot investment. Wall Street has robbed the world of its wealth. In effect they are Pirates. Instead of using boats and rocket-propelled grenades, they use computers and high-frequency trading software to manipulate markets and steal. Creating a Pirate Investment Fund would be the next logical step for them.
“Piracy-related business has become the main profitable economic activity in our area and as locals we depend on their output,” said Mohamed Adam, the town’s deputy security officer.
“The district gets a percentage of every ransom from ships that have been released, and that goes on public infrastructure, including our hospital and our public schools.”
Gee we should all be investing in this lucrative enterprise. They need to pump money into building up their infrastructure, hospitals, and public schools. Investing in them so they will invest in their futures to graduate kids with a PhD in Piracy. If they choose to stay home they can manage the local funds. If not they will be well suited to start a career at Goldman Sachs.
Can you make money at this? There are risks but YOU BETCHA!
“Ransoms have even increased in recent months from between $2-3 million to $4 million because of the increased number of shareholders and the risks,” he said.
“Let the anti-piracy navies continue their search for us. We have no worries because our motto for the job is ‘do or die’.”
Piracy investor Sahra Ibrahim, a 22-year-old divorcee, was lined up with others waiting for her cut of a ransom pay-out after one of the gangs freed a Spanish tuna fishing vessel.
“I am waiting for my share after I contributed a rocket-propelled grenade for the operation,” she said, adding that she got the weapon from her ex-husband in alimony.
“I am really happy and lucky. I have made $75,000 in only 38 days since I joined the ‘company’.”
I think I will see if they have an affiliate program and see if I can make a small percentage for every investor I send their way.
SOURCE: Reuters
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